Maybe this is a problem that goes with second marriages / relationships.
Why does Chuck act one way toward me when none of the kids is around; a different way when my kids are around; and yet another way when his AND my kids are around?
Or am I imagining it?
It would be easy to convince me that it's normal, once I finally acknowledge that it is actually happening. I am just becoming aware of it, although it has been joggling the back of my mind for some time.
Given that, do I say something, or just let it go?
Mostly, the problem is interrupting. I tried three or four times to ask him a question and every time, he just plowed right over me. So I waited and tried again. And again.
A few minuted later, I tried to ask him another question, and that time he interrupted me deliberately with a senseless respose. He thinks it's witty.
He interrupts me a lot, and mostly I have learned not to mind. I just wait and try again. Or wait until he realizes that he has interrupted and asks me to continue. But it does wear at me. And he does it most in front of his daughter. Why? Tonight I finally just wanted to shut down. It gets tiring.
:( Sorry you feel so frustrated, hon. Don't know what to tell you except that people's communication styles and processes tend to change depending on the group dynamic. Plus, we get used to communicating in particular ways with particular people. It's hard to adjust that to make sure everyone is included and heard. It's particularly difficult when people don't acknowledge they are not letting others be heard. It's like you need a moderator or facilitator or something, but that is a stressful role to play, especially if you are part of the group AND in a family setting. The good and bad of all this is that what you are experiencing is normal. You probably see similar things in the classroom and as a teacher have had to address it. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteI think this is fairly common. Bing acts differently when we are around her family and she says that I act differently when I am around mine, more giving, less combative. Says something nice about me, yes? I guess that I am naturally combative and selfish and just act more nicely when family is around?
ReplyDeleteThe interrupting thing would bug me, though. And the only way to nip it is to stop everything when he interrupts and say, "I refuse to talk again until you promise not to interrupt." This will cause hurt feelings and if he is like Bing, will do a 180 degree turn and start deliberately pausing every time you speak and then say, "I'm sorry. Were you finished? Didn't want to INTERRUPT!"
So, I say let it be one of those things that you just live with. We all have them in our relationships. Things that bug the hell out of us but we just endure because we love that person.
And hey, he did find a way to get that book to you that meant so much in your childhood.
See? They redeem themselves in other ways.
I stopped by from SWS and kept reading after your SWS. I must say as we blend families it does stand out the different faces we take on around those who know us best but it still makes no sense to be borderline rude under the disguise of wit. I think it would be a good idea to mention the interrupting at a time when it is not happening because you will be less sensitive to his response. COMMUNICATION is a factor and the MAIN piece to having things work between people. new friend here "," Take care and enjoy the book aww moment.
ReplyDeleteI agree. I think it's definitely common for all of us to interact differently depending on who is around. I would have a very hard time not addressing the interrupting. My husband will often walk away from me when I'm talking. He will decide he needs to go pee, or change clothes, or whatever and just walk away when I'm in mid-sentence. It flies all over me because it hurts my feelings and makes me feel as though he doesn't value what I have to say. I try to overlook it but then he'll do it that one time too many, on the wrong day, and I go all crazy female on him.
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