Friday, August 30, 2013

Three-Year-Olds in the House

Every year at Guadalupe, there is a hilarious week when the three-year-olds start Preschool.   They wear microscopic school uniforms.  They clamber down from the school buses, rubbing their eyes.  Most of them have fallen asleep.  They cry for their moms.  They want a bottle.

The days of crying are almost over. They line up in the hall, singing their little song:

My arms are at my side;
I'm standing straight and tall;
My eyes are looking straight ahead;
I'm ready for the hall!

But my office and Iggy, my giant plastic Iguana, is a distraction.
"Is a lizar!'"
"Is alive!"
"No.  Is a plastic one."
"Is head is moving!"

Now it's time for learning to use the restrooms.  I went in there yesterday morning to find that only one stall was functional because the little girls had gone into stalls, latched the doors and been unable to unlatch them.  They just crawled out  under the doors and left the latches latched.  This is why the doors on the stalls are short!  I went down the line, reaching over the tops and unlatching the doors.  As I was sitting in a stall, little faces kept appearing under the door. 
"Lady, what's oo name?"

They stand at the sinks on little footstools, awed by the soap dispensers.  I watched them squirt soap - squiiiiirt, squiiiiirt, squiiiirt, until their hands are full.  They make hage balls of suds and roll their hands over and over, staring at the results with wide eyes. 

They rinse and dry their hands on my skirt.

Thursday, August 29, 2013

Are You a Stenographer, or are You Just Happy to See Me?

Being deposed is interesting for me as a linguist.  The attorney for the other party (in this case, Chuck’s ex-girlfriend, Marianne) tries to trip up the person being questioned with terminology and there can be no assumption that the questioner and the person being questioned share common meanings for anything. 

She started the ball rolling by having me sworn in and then asking me what the oath means to me.  She actually asked me that (in words similar to these):  “'To tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth'; what does that mean to you?”  Ooooh… Sunday school essay question. 
What about the word “statement”?  Did I make any written statements about the deposition?  Hmmm… well, I guess it depends on what one means by a "statement".  Does that mean an official document of some sort?  Or does it include a blog entry?  Facebook?  A letter to my mother?  When I asked for this clarification, she told me that all of those could be considered a statement.  Ahhh.  Well, in that case, yeah.  I've made lots of statements.

At any rate.  It was a lot of irrelevant questioning, if you ask me.  Lots of questions about the house on Regal Street.  Did Chuck encourage me to buy it?  Questions about the property line dispute between Chuck and Marianne.  What was my impression of where the property line was?  Geeze.  Who the hell knows?  That’s between Chuck, Marianne and more than one surveyor.  Their disagreement about the line between the two lots is one of the reasons for all these legal proceedings.  I don’t know how I am supposed to lend any wisdom to that. 
More interesting is Marianne’s choice of a lawyer who resembles her. But with a friendlier face. And the stenographer.  I was enamored.  She had a laptop on the table, but in her lap was the stenographer’s contraption.  I could see her fingers performing the church-organ rhythm that goes with the trade and I thought, not for the first time, what is that machine lkie?  What are you recording with those slow keystrokes? Show me how it works.  Truly.  When we were finished, and they asked me if I had any questions, I came so close to saying, “Could I please see the stenographer’s machine?" 

Monday, August 26, 2013

Rip Van Winkel

I slept really well last night, honestly! 

Yet, after I dropped my son off at his middle school this morning, I was overcome by a nap attack - at 7:50 AM!  Geeze.  It was one of those things:  I thought, "Oh, I'll just recline my seat here in the parking lot for a couple of minutes and think about how I want to shape the rest of my day." 

Yea, right.  TWO HOURS LATER...

I slept deeply, flopped in the driver's seat of the Fiat. It's a distinctive car.  One easily recognized by one of my adult English as a Second Language students.  Hugo Perez is working on a construction project at my son's school, and was amusing himself by driving past my car in a giant backhoe and honking to try to wake me up.  He finally succeeded after a couple of hours.  I woke up with drool in the corners of my mouth, staring up through my windshield at Hugo staring down at me from high above, honking and laughing his ass off.  He pointed at me in a "neener-neener" kind of way, then pillowed his face on his hands as though sleeping, then sped away.

Sunday, August 25, 2013

Kate Can Make It

I haven't done a recipe in ages!  Let's do Peach Cobbler Ice Cream with Bourbon-Caramel Sauce.  It promises that "every bite delivers crunchy bits of pie crust and Bourbon-spiked caramel".
 Here's how it's supposed to look.
Ice Cream
A refrigerated, roll-up pie crust
Cooking spray
1 T sugar
1/4 t cinnamon
1 C chopped, peeled peaches, divided (about 2 peaches)
1/2 C sweetened condensed milk
2 T peach schnapps
1 T lemon juice
Dash of salt
2 cups Lite Cool Whip, thawed

1/2 C sugar
2 T water
1 T light-colored corn syrup
Dash or salt
1/4 C half-an-half
1 T butter, softened
1 T bourbon
 1.  Preheat oven to 425 Degrees F.

 2.  To prepare ice cream, place pie dough on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper.

3.  Lightly coat with cooking spray.

  4.  Combine 1 T sugar and cinnamon in a small bowl.

 5.  Sprinkle sugar mixture evenly over pie dough. Using a pizza cutter, score dough at 1-inch intervals.

 6.  Bake at 425 Degrees for 10 minutes, or until brown.

 7.  Cool completely.
 8.  Place 1/2 C peaches in a medium bowl...
 ...and mash until smooth.

  9.  Add the remaining 1/2 C peaches and next 4 ingredients (through dash of salt);stir well.

 10.  break the pie crust into 1/2-inch pieces.

 11.  Gently fold in the crumbled pie crust and Cool Whip.

 12.  Scoop the mixture into a freezer-safe container (like a Blue Bunny cream container); cover and freeze overnight.
 13. To prepare sauce, combine 1/2 C sugar, 2 T water, corn syrup and dash of salt in a small saucepan over medium heat, stirring just until sugar melts.

Bring to a boil.  Cook 12 minutes or until amber (or in my case until is a dull yellowish color like chicken broth).  Drizzle in the half-and-half, stirring constantly with a whisk.  Add butter and Bourbon; whisk until smooth.

Results?  Yummy!  But not ice cream.  Chuck says, "It's really good, but it tastes like frozen Cool Whip."  Call it "frozen dessert" and everyone will think you are a genius. 

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Small Lake City

I am bummed that I do not have a light-up keyboard.  I am solving the problem this evening by wearing Chuck's special reading glasses.  They have LEDs built into the frames so you can light up the page you are reading.  Ridiculous, but pretty handy.  The only problem is that I have not yet reached the age at which I need reading glasses, so the magnification makes me feel like I am going to barf.  Hence, they are perched on the very tip of my nose and I am peering over the top of them.  I look a little like a librarian at a rave. 

No new developments on my subpoena.  I have a feeling that I am not going to be permitted to savor the deposition experience.  Since Chuck and I are now married, I don't have to cooperate with depositions.  Ooooh... More legalese!  I think I get to say, "That's privileged."  Fun!  Still can't figure our why Marianne wants any testimony from me in a property dispute, anyway.  It's not my lookout, really.  There is some speculation that she wants to find out if I have been paying Chuck rent.  If I were, then she would try acquire a portion of it - she is still on the deed to the house.  Bummer for Marianne that I have never paid Chuck rent.  Marianne did.  What all of this means is that Marianne will get no satisfaction, and I won't get to go out to lunch with my lawyer.  Pooh.

Speaking of Marianne, I experienced a funny coincidence last night.  Chuck dropped by Guadalupe in the evening, and I took the opportunity to introduce him to our two new teachers, Jody and Ana.  He and Jody looked at each other for a second and realized that they knew each other already, having moved in the same social circles in the past.  They were both in relationships with architects at the same time.  Turns out that Jody and I have a bunch of mutual friends.  I don't know how it is in other places; but this happens a lot in Salt Lake City.  Sometimes, I think it is because Mormons and non-Mormons tend toward different social circles; and the non-Mormons form a relatively small group.  I got an e-mail a few days ago from a woman who is interested in volunteering in Adult Education.  She told me she was a friend of one of our current volunteers, which isn't that unusual.  but then she said she was also friends with my real estate agent. 

Tuesday, August 20, 2013


I  was actually subpoenaed today!  All part of the ongoing feud between Chuck and his ex-girlfriend, Marianne.  Ana, the receptionist, buzzed me at about 1 PM and told me there was someone to see me.  That usually only happens when someone has made an appointment, so I jokingly asked her, "Oh, yeah?  Is it someone I like?"  She laughed and said, "No!"

It reminds me of the time a guy showed up on April Fool's Day and told me he was with the FBI and needed to question me about a student.  I laughed my butt off until he took out a big-ass badge...  This guy had an unnaturally large head on a narrow set of shoulders.  He was with a detective agency.  I have never flirted with anyone from a detective agency before. 

The subpoena is rather interesting.  It has language such as, "You are commanded..."  I'm curious about what it is like to be deposed, since I have never done it before. 

Do I dress up?

Do I take our lawyer with me?  Will he have time to go out for a sandwich afterward?

Do I get to give torrid details about our sex life?  Will I get to spew legal jargon?  "That's overbroad!  Your honor, may I approach?  Overruled!" 

Monday, August 19, 2013

Back To School

New schools for both kids today.  Sara is off to Hillcrest, the biggest high school in the state.  Nathan is starting middle school, with all the novelty of lockers and class schedules.  Both of them were excited and asked to be dropped off early.  Nathan had even combed his hair. 

Sunday, August 18, 2013

Accidental Jibe

I don't know much sailing terminology, but I am learning.  Today, we were up at Rockport Reservoir and I was sailing in my little Capri.  It has only one sail and everything is in easy reach, so I am using it to learn on.

The first time I went out, the winds were light.  I toodled sedately back and forth, entertaining our friends with my royal wave as they "oooooh-ed" and "ahhhhh-ed" from the shore 

The second time I went out was much brisker and quickly turned into a rodeo. 

I have heard stories about people getting hit on the head by the boom during an accidental jibe.  I imagined it being a sedate march of the boom from one side of the boat to the other.  Someone not watching carefully could get a thump on the noggin.  "Ouch!  What was that?"  "That was the boom, stupid!  Look out next time." Uh, no. Today, when it whizzed past my cranium with all the wind's force behind it I thought, "Hmmm...  that could kill ya'."

Different kind of "oooooh-ing" and "ahhhh-ing" from the spectators.

Chuck is talking about making me wear a helmet.

Sunday, August 4, 2013

The Squirrels are Taking Over

We are finding seed deposits around the house.  The other day, I found that the squirrels have been stashing seed in my running shoes, right inside the upstairs windows.  Sara found this little pile this morning.

Saturday, August 3, 2013

Thursday, August 1, 2013

High Point, Low Point

Low Point
We have had to cancel our Grand Canyon trip because not enough people can come along to make it viable.  Despite the obvious:  the length of the trip (25 days) and the time of year (November, when people have kids in school, Thanksgiving commitments, etc...), Chuck takes it personally and feels as though people don't want to go on the trip because he is the trip leader.  He is very disappointed.  As am I.

High Point
After getting up at 5 AM for the fourth morning in a row, I dropped Sara off at Cross Country practice, came home and snuggled back into bed for an extra hour of blissful sleep.