Sunday, May 29, 2011

Sustain Me

I guess I'm needy.

Really interesting (and very American) that we manage to pack so much negative connotation with the addition of a one-letter adjective suffix.  No one wants to be needy. But we like, for the most part, to be needed.

I am doing much better today than yesterday, because I have had a lot of friend-time. Maybe it makes me needy, though, that I do better when I have more human contact?  I don't even have to address my current difficulties, necessarily.  Just being with others, talking and listening, seems to do the job.  Book club was at my house today.  They had a lot of money-saving advice for me.  I read down the line items in  my budget to see if I had remembered everything.  The last time I'll entertain guests there.  I have given a lot of parties in that house. I asked them if they thought I could pull off decent parties in 857 square feet.  Heck, yeah!  There's a balcony, after all!  So once I get settled, I'll throw a make-your-own-taco party.

I sign the lease tomorrow.
I move on June 1, and plan to sleep there after that.
I'll have the kids stay over for the first time on the 5th.  They actually seem excited.  To explore, and find new kids to play with.  Probably also excited to get Si and me apart, so the stress level will drop.
I will take Wednesday off and get this move knocked back in one day or my name isn't Mrs. McGillicutty.

Maybe then my tension will lift and this never-ending stomach ache will go a-fucking-way! I really need something that I can't describe:  a feeling like finally exhaling after holding your breath for a long while; like a small animal taking refuge from a large bird of prey.

My dear friend David sheltered me in numerous ways today as well.  I told him that we hadn't hung out in a while, and he invited me to his place for a rather lavish vegetarian Indian meal.  Offered options for dining location, I chose to perch on stools in the curry-scented kitchen.  We talked a lot about my love-life, it's true.  But also a lot about money (David gets by on far less than I will have to, and manages OK) (Of course, he doesn't have kids...) and  lot about spirituality.  I would say that David takes Buddhism very seriously, except that we always laugh a lot when we are talking about it. 

The tension is hard to bear, but as long as I have little moments with friends, I keep limping along toward the finish line.  Hmm...  Metaphor alert!  Mixed metaphors!  It's cause I"m falling asleep.  And my stomach harts.  I"m going to bed!


  1. Good luck with the move, Kate.
    I remember hating my post-break-up/mid-divorce home for weeks, just sitting there refusing to unpack or decorate.
    It passes.
    Make the new place your OWN (in upper case). That will keep you busy enough to help get through all the other stuff for a while.

  2. Glad to hear you are doing well!!! So excited about new place.
    I've been away from bloglandia lately--so will need to catch up on ur doings...I think I still need a break from my blog though...lately I've not been feeling it..know what I mean!!

    Well hang in there girl...thinking about you!