Today saw the culmination of many different things.
Simon and I finished our last real session with the divorce mediator. I know now what my financial situation will be and how we are going to handle custody. The divorce won't be final for some weeks, yet; but we are going to start living separately on June 1. My goal is to sleep in the apartment that night, even if it is with canned soup in a saucepan and a mattress on the floor. In fact, that suits me fine.
I chose the apartment in Cottonwood Heights. I have to say that I have misgivings, and sense that I would be happier living in Glendale. I had the best feeling about it! But I need to do what I can to take pressure off the kids. Maybe next year when I buy a place, I will buy something in Glendale.
And my bad-dog of a heart finally decided to come home.
I was writing away at my grants his afternoon and delayed leaving a little, then a little more. As I walked up to the truck, I admired a cute bike leaning against the chain link (a beach cruiser! Yellow!). Man! Just the sort of bike I have always wanted. I backed out, looking over my shoulder, and when I turned to face forward, there was C. on the other side of the chain link, holding the bike. I put the truck back into the parking slot, v-e-r-y s-l-o-w-l-y. And blinked. Was he still there? Indeed. I decided to see if he would dissolve into thin air if I walked up to him. Nope. Still there. He reached over the fence to shake hands. "Hi. I'm C.B. Good to know you."
He told me that he had moved out of his house and was living in the Avenues with a friend.
"And soooo... it begins!" he said.
"How do you want to start?"
"I want to see you ride this bike!"
Which I did. Blissfully around the school, around the parking lot, around the portable. And then, given the absence of chain link between us, I was able to wrap my arms around him, and we stayed that way for a long time.
And so. There once was a woman who went to the grocery store and, while putting horseradish sauce in her basket, was suddenly swept by a wave of peace and happiness that she hadn't felt for a long time. There once was a woman who came home and put the ice cream in the pantry while stowing the canned beans in the freezer.There once was a woman who looked at herself in the mirror and decided that she looked like shit: rough, limp hair; eye circles; cloudy skin. She decided to go to bed, and be healed by a decent night's sleep.
Did you think I was going to end with, "And they lived happily ever after?" Hell, no! I am happy, yes. Safety and confidence are trailing a little; but they will get here soon, if all goes well.
There once was a woman who was selfish, self centered and inconsiderate.
And loved, as it turns out. Without earning it or deserving it. She is amazed. And very, very sleepy.