I have my cup of tea and my Radio Paradise. Christmas thank-you notes are ready for the mail; antique blouse I wore over the holidays is hand-washed and hung up to dry.
I made a verbal agreement to sell my truck today. One more step in downsizing my life. I feel pretty good about the amount this change is going to save me; and the lump sum it will put in my home down payment account. I will miss the Tacoma for its carrying capacity and its general Toyota-ness. Let's hope I am about to embark upon a love affair with the Fiat.
I'm achy today. Partly because I lifted weights a couple days ago; partly because I played hard at EVE last night. The BallRoom, the giant slide, racing Chuck and Sara in the obstacle course... I'm not getting any younger, ya' know! Oh well: my most serious injury seems to be my elbow, which I rubber-burned to the bone! (Or that's how it feels!). I'm also achy because Chuck's mattress has formed a divot on his side, but not on mine. I woke up at 4:00 AM feeling like I was being dragged inexorably into the "Chuckhole". After thrashing in futile resistance for a while, I realized that my pillow could be used in the same way that we chock a tire to keep the car from rolling away.
Any of you who have ever slept in a tent on a slope will agree with me: snuggling up with a cute guy? Super fun and cozy. Smooshing the cute guy like you are a log in an avalanche? Not so much.
Speaking of Chuck, we had a good time last night. We were going to blow up the Christmas Tree, but it was too fresh; and we did not have the right explosives. Next time. At midnight, we sat in the living room at Aloha Road, watching the fireworks going off all over the valley. He popped a cork on a bottle of Labyrinth (tastier than Champagne - at least the stuff in our price range) and told me, "2012 is going to be great. This will be our year."
I don't make New Years Resolutions. What a load of hooey. Besides, where would I even start? I am 44 and still not my Ideal Woman. Wouldn't that be cool? To feel like I am everything I want to be? Does anyone get to be her own ideal woman? There are many, many women out there that I hold up as exemplary. How do I get that awesome? And still sleep, I mean?
My Ideal Woman?
1. She has SKILLS. Expertise. I am such a jack-of-all-trades-master-of-none. I'd really like to be good at the stuff I am just sort of...let's say...enthusiastic... about right now.
2. She makes things that are pretty. I look at the artistic endeavors of others and think, "Given the time and mental space, could I take beautiful photos / create art with found objects / sew something that turns out?" Possibly...
3. Her life is full of music. My ideal woman listens to a diversity of music; she finds cheap / free concerts; she practices her guitar; she plays her piano. She sings along with gusto. In tune.
4. She can build the Adult Education program that she has been visualizing. I can see it all: the community partners; the professional development plan; the collaborative team of teachers; the students who come, stay and learn; the community learning model I have been pursuing for twenty years would finally take its shape in an orderly fashion. Someday my time there will be done - I want to see that I actually did something worthwhile.
5. She weighs between 110 and 112 pounds. She is an accomplished distance runner. I'm still trying to decide if I want to run a marathon enough to spend the hours and hours needed to train for it. Still, my ideal woman is athletic.
6. She reads incessantly. Books, absolutely; but she is up-to-date on the issues, too. She understands the Palestinian question. She is an immigration law policy analyst. As a hobby.
7. She has a good balance of social time and alone time. My ideal woman always has people stopping by for dinner or for a cuppa. This never disconcerts her - and she always has the right amount of perfectly rendered meals ready on the stove. Her house is where everyone wants to hang out.
8. Oh, yeah. She has a house, even if it's just a little one. My ideal woman doesn't have any notions about design and nothing matches; but her home is cozy and clean.
So, let's check in at the end of the year, and see if I managed to approximate even one of these ideals. Pfffft.
And, just to prove that I'm not too rough on myself, I DID do some stuff this past year.
1. I made one functional wind-chime. Well, it's sort of a creative endeavor...
2. I have learned the basics of running my sewing machine. Thanks, Chuck!
3. I have danced more in this year than I did in the last ten years combined.
4. I ran a half-marathon with a pretty reasonable time.
5. I got down to 112 ponds, although I was way stressed out and it was an accident.
6. I lost some friends. But I made a few...
7. I learned how to budget and manage my money, at least at a superficial level.
8. I managed to end a relationship that was making me feel like a loser; and I have managed to stay in a relationship that makes me happy. Dos that sound contradictory? Not in my world. Letting oneself love wholeheartedly despite fears of hurting and being hurt is actually tricky for some of us.
Not my ideal woman. She's fearless. And maybe there's something to be said for a life lived without many talents if I get to laugh about it a lot.